Deal With It

At birth you are dealt the hand you will play the rest of your life. During the game of life you’ll be given more cards that can either make you or break you. However, no matter what you are dealt you have to learn how to deal with it. Hopefully, at the end of the game of life everyone becomes a winner because we are all dealt a new hand and start fresh.
Late one night I was sitting at one of the sections of the green felt laid octagon poker table. The group consisted mostly of family, friends, and the cloud of smoke that lingered in the cold night air. The game of choice, like usual, was Texas Hold ‘Em. We played way too much, but not as often as we’d like.
After becoming a pro at something whatever it is your doing becomes second nature. Let’s just say my mind wasn’t really on the cards that night. I don’t know, maybe I watched “It’s A Wonderful Life” too much this Christmas and it was getting to my head. Every hand we played a different thought or memory overcame me.
I am chip leader now. “Look out! He won a couple, he’s gotta ‘nough to push us around.” Shuffle. Deal. Bet. Raise. I call All-In, hoping that either someone would call or I would take the pot.
Very rarely do I get to push people around. As a young boy I always dreamed of being the next Karate Kid. I remember sitting outside the children’s karate classes and in my mind I would be kicking, punching, and bowing to the sensei. In my mind I was as physically fit as any other kid. My parents did not have the heart to quell my ambition, but instead used the excuse that we did not have enough money for classes. Today instead of being physically strong, I know where my real strengths are. So my ambitions have changed and I’ve learned to deal with it.
I could tell they were getting fed up with my occasional starring off into space thinking of past times. “Ay! Are ya gonna play or sit there and act stupid? Jesus Christ!” while slapping the table, dismantling all the chips trying to get my attention.
Everyone at the table knew that I was by no means stupid. Entering public school I was placed in a Trainable Mentally Handicapped class. It took these ‘retarded’ teachers two years to realize they had placed me in the wrong class. My mental status is usually hard for me to prove unless you know me. Most people take one look at me and don’t even give me a chance. They see the chair, hear my slight speech impediment, and jump right to conclusions that I am retarded. Like every other cripple, I’ve learned to blow it off because I look at most of them and think, wow, I bet you wish you had the thought process I have.
I didn’t drag the chips that hand. Shuffle. Deal. Talk shit. Bet. Fold. “I thought you love this game?” They ride me because I fold so much. Any true player knows the old saying, “You gotta know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em.”
Love works the same way. I think the word love has more meanings than any word in the dictionary. I can honestly say I love everyone around this table, including the game itself. Along with love comes trust. To say that you can truly trust someone is the quintessence of love. Now, I would trust anyone around this table with my life. In a card game, on the other hand, there is only two people I trust in this world; one being me and the other is definitely not any one of them. I can’t really say that I have ever loved someone in a sexual manner. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve experienced lust more than most people, but all my relationships haven’t gone any further than precisely that. Some may say this would be the epitome of loneliness, I say deal with it.
We take a break from life. Have a drink. Take a piss. Burn one. Let’s move on… a new hand is dealt. I play this hand out. Stupid move, but I could tell no one else had anything either. “God, you lucky little shit, you always knew how to read people.” I drag a hefty amount of chips.
I was always told that I could read people like a book. Some say I should be a psychologist. I say screw that, I’ve got my own issues to deal with. Although, figuring people out has always been a hobby of mine, sort of. It’s mostly a forced hobby; many hours of sitting in class, day dreaming. It’s really kind of funny because there is always those select few that are in every classroom. There is always the nerdy kid that thinks he knows the answer to every question, but this is a good thing because the rest of class doesn’t need to talk as much. On the other end of the spectrum, there is the dark kid that is usually fond of dressing in black, piercings, and weird hair cuts. However, when you get past the surface they’re usually quite intelligent and are fun to be around. The rest of the class falls in between these two; they are usually brain dead zombies trying to get those credit hours they paid so much for. No matter what our differences may be, we are all alike because we all have our own dilemmas to deal with.
I had a lot of money invested in this hand, but I knew it was time to fold. The spread showed no help for me. “Ay! You do realize we are playing for big bucks now, don’t cha?” Throwing away a good hand is always hard to do.
I hope there will come a time when I will never have to worry about money. I never want to be tucked away in a little cubicle during my occupational years. I want to be able to contribute to society with out being locked away. I am tired of being completely dependent on the government to provide for my financial and medical needs. Independence is freedom. Freedom to choose how to contribute to society is fought for by many disabled people. Our fellow Americans have helped fight wars in other countries for this freedom, yet our government restricts not only disabled people but the impoverished as well. I want a job I love because I feel sorry for those who spend their life working instead of living. Looking forward to the weekend is not my idea of an enjoyable occupation. Unfortunately, this is another forced card I’ll have to deal with.
Another hand was dealt. I play this one out as well. It was a tough hand and took time to make the right choice. “Piss or get off the pot. You’re takin’ forever!” the old man grumbles. I think to myself that he has all time in the world. Or maybe he doesn’t. His time is running out.
Old people fascinate me. I dream of someday growing old and having no worries in the world, to have it all behind me, and relax. I wish to have no regrets because I have lived life to the fullest. There’s something about being told you won’t live to be five that makes you feel old at twenty-one. I hope to one day be able to sit at a local coffee shop and reminisce about the glory days with the young ‘uns. If only people would realize how precious time really is. Spending time doing the things I love helps me deal with the little time I have left.
After the long night of card playing there was one last game to be played. The people around the table drew for high card to see who was putting me to bed. I guess they’ll have to deal with it. This is only one of the many nights that I have played the game of life.
I am drawn to card playing because of the element of risk and its metaphorical associations to real life. Many of the decisions we make in life involve risks and chances. What risks have you taken to create new pathways? What obstacles do you face on those paths? How do you feel about the cards you have been dealt in life?